Twenty seven years ago, a childhood friend of mine “disappeared”.  One day they were there, the next day they were not.  There were no goodbyes.  There were no conversations of “this is what I am doing or where I am going”.   Poof !  Gone.  I was 15 at the time and looking back would not have even remotely thought that the moment in time would have impacted me as much as it would.  I have since learned that it did.  Thanks to the power of Face book, I have reconnected a bit with this person and have learned the answers to some of the questions that have lingered in the back recesses of my childhood memories.  The sense of peace that it has brought me has astounded me to no end.

I encourage each of you to think back to a time, that maybe you did not have closure on something or someone and if at all possible to try and reconnect to this person or thing.  Acknowledge the moment, wrap your mind and body around the resolution, however large or small and embrace it.

By request (not quite sure why except maybe for comedy purposes...this is the picture and post I made on Face book Dec 19, 2009..)   Yes friends..parts of "IT" is still on my ceiling......

What is this picture you ask? This is a pic of what my fabulous son decided to throw on the ceiling. When asked why he did it, his comment was....."it was supposed to fall down MOM" and not stick!" Hence the tongs and trying to peel it off. GUESS WHAT...Now I have what looks like snot with eyes stuck on my dining room ceiling!!!!!



 I have received numerous emails from many, asking "where is the new blog"....One of my friends in particular is always asking (thanks for the positive pressure mb :) when I will be posting something new.

Every day, I have a reason. I believe that I have the best excuses in the book as to why I do not find the time to write and here are just a few of mine:

1. First I am intensely busy with end of the year "stuff" with my kids.

2. I have also "re-opened" my Kelly and the Angel on-line store. Even though there are few items listed, it seems, people want them, and I am very blessed to be shipping out products.

3. Dance, Soccer, school, all ending at the same time keeps me chauffeuring constantly.

4. I have been retained by several new clients to help de-clutter their homes and two new clients for simple web design.

5. We have two new kittens in the home, and even though we have been attempting to find them a home, I am resigning myself to the fact that THIS actually may be the home for them.

Yet, sitting and contemplating my whirlwind, much loved life, I painfully realize that these are excuses. As I have stated in the past, I LOVE writing, and when you truly love something you should do it. I "preach" this to people all of the time in my work. So why haven't I written lately?

My answer became clear to me. As I was attempting to get myself re-motivated to write, I started reading some of the old blogs and cringed when I read my quit smoking blogs....(Yup, the mother of motivation has fallen off of the wagon.) I did not realize how much I have been beating myself up over this until today. There it was in print, my failure. This coming from the same person that states at least 10 times a week "FAILURE IS AN EVENT, NOT A PERSON" to anyone that will listen. I temporarily lost hope in myself, and subconsciously it has been eating me up. I have been making more than enough excuses, to hide my guilt of starting smoking again.

I have made it a commitment, a mission, if you will to convince people, that of all of the things to let go of in their lives, is to never let hope be one of them. Here I was feeling hopeless and addicted to a habit that will kill me if I do not stop. In looking up the definition of hope this is what I read:

The definition of hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. To hope is to wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled, a key condition in unrequited love. Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude.

I have read many, many books of Dr. Wayne Dyer. His "new" one Excuses Begone! is fantastic and I encourage you all to read it!  Here is an except that impacted me today in my own struggle.

You can bring your desires to consciousness by disconnecting the power from your subconscious so that it can’t continue to run your life. Your subconscious (habitual) mind is accessible, so unearth the excuses buried deep within you. Become conscious!

Moving forward, my hope is renewed, my faith restored, and my blog is back.  Will I be a non-smoker? ABSOLUTELY  YES!   Failure is an event, not a person.

Peace, Love and HOPE to everyone!

Kelly

Quietly and with only telling two people yesterday, I gave myself a Mother's Day gift.  It was a box of nicotine patches (which I really think are defective :(        All day Saturday, I prepared myself; said goodbye to my old friend each and every time I went outside to have one..... and I have come to the conclusion that I ENJOY SMOKING!!!!  I really do. (I know that all the non-smokers that are reading this do not understand yet all of the smokers or past smokers do.) 

Day two and Mrs. Motivation herself is having a tough time.   My head is currently spinning around on my shoulders, and  is about to pop off.   One of my saving graces is that my children are in school today and I am a mediator.  ***ok , probably should have meditated before writing this ****

One of the people I told was Pastor Chuck....pulling him aside after church yesterday, I asked if he would pray for me every time I popped into his head.    He smiled and offered his support, even suggested I call him during my worst of times.   NOPE!!!!  I don't even want to talk to myself right now.....

One of the things I am doing is every day (starting yesterday) I am putting $7.91 in a can (Massachusetts pricing for one pack of cigarettes)  Figured I might as well, to see how much I can save :)

Send me good energy, good thoughts, good vibes ....this is a good thing, this is a good thing, this is a good thing, this is a good thing, this is a good thing....

BUT PLEASE, do not ask me how I am doing because I may have to be honest ......