I will do it after the holidays.

I will do it when the kids get out of school.

I will do it when the homework is done.

I will do it after I finish cleaning.

I will do it when I lose some weight.

I will do it after I walk the dogs.

I will do it after the rain stops.

I will do it when it is raining.

I will do it when I have some free time.

I will do it when the kids are older.

I will do it when the kids are in school.

I will do it before we go on vacation.

I will do it when we get back from vacation.

No I am serious….

I will do it tomorrow.

It was a complete source of amusement for me, seeing this level of discomfort emanating from him. To know my husband, this is a rare side of him. So much so, that even after fourteen years of marriage is startling for me to see. He is known for being bigger than life, strong, a bit on the arrogant side and unflappable. Here was this 6 foot 1 guy nervous and not in control. That is when it hit me. THAT WAS IT. He was not in control of what his children were doing and it made him nervous. He wanted them to succeed and be successful and for one of the first times in his life he couldn’t help them. They had to do it all by themselves. Succeed or fail, it was on them.

I leaned over at one point and whispered to him, “You have to let go, and enjoy the dance”. He couldn’t do it. Do not get me wrong. Joseph loved watching his children dance. You could tell how proud he was of them, but it was overshadowed by his stress and fear.

The more I contemplated on his reaction I asked myself “Do we all, as parents do this? Do we stress out when our children need to do something on their own and are in a position to take responsibility for their actions? Do we then try and take over for them, thinking we know best? As parents, there does come a point in our children’s lives that we have to “let go” and watch them do their dance.   We certainly cannot dance it for them.  We may not like what they are doing, and we may think that we are able to do it better or wiser; Yet if we constantly live THEIR lives for them, than what happens to not only their lives but ours? How can you follow a path that is not your own?

We must let go because we are doing a complete injustice to our children's lives if we do not.

Letting go hurts. Letting go is scary; for both the parent and the child. Yet we must. If we do not, they will not be able to learn their life lessons and you will not be able to complete your own journey to your fullest potential.

For example, how is your child going to prioritize whether or not they should pay an electric bill or purchase a much “wanted” piece of clothing if every time, a bill arrives that they cannot pay, you give them money for it (because they opted for the clothing). If this continues you will start to resent the fact that your child is dressed better than you and they will never learn the consequences for not paying a bill.

Love your children unconditionally as people.  

Let them hurt,

let them be happy,

let them be sad,

let them be afraid

for by doing all of this, you will be letting them live!

Peace to you

Kelly

Have you ever attended a sporting event and while there listened to parents as they spoke to their children during the event? Are there times that you cringe when you hear some of them speak? I know I do.

There are three types of parents I hear at events; the encourager, the de-motivator, and the indifferent. (I am using sports events as an example, yet we can see this with teachers, managers, clergy, friends, etc.)

The encourager yells out words such as, “that’s ok; you will get it next time.” Don’t give up, I believe in you”

The de-motivator will yell “get the ants out of your pants”. “Are you blind?” “How could you have missed that?”

The indifferent is silent. They do not really want to be there and will be doing paperwork, texting, talking on cell phone, but definitely not encouraging their child in any way. They are usually the ones, when the child asks, “did you see that”, that the parents says “Yes” to cover themselves.

The child learns from their parent’s behavior. They truly believe everything that their family says that they are. Call them stupid, and then they think that they are stupid. Tell them that they are the smartest thing that ever walked the earth, and then they believe it.

Now, think how you feel when someone gives you a positive boast of encouragement. Think of how much more you get done, then if they did not say anything.

There is a good friend in my life that will email me just to say “I am proud of you”! That’s it, five words. The impact that these five words have on me is incredible. What are these words saying?  The are saying:

I believe in you.

I love you.

I am your friend.

I enjoy seeing your success.

Five words. No more.

How much more can the De-Motivator and the Indifferent impact someone’s life just be saying “I love you”. “I am proud of you”.

I am not sure if I would have gotten as far as I have with some of the things I have done in my life without someone in the background encouraging me. Telling me it is ok if things are not perfect. Again, failure is an event, not a person.

Today, take a moment, and make one encouraging comment to someone “just because”. See how that person reacts with delight and surprise. Go ahead, I dare you!

Life is like a rainbow.  You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear  - Unknown

I had a friend once.  We used to do everything together.  The longer we were friends, the less time we spent together "just because".  Instead, whenever she needed something she would call. When times were tough, she would call. When her baby girl was sick, she would call..  When the cat ran away, she would call.  When she got laid off from work she would call. After a while, I realized that she never called anymore, just to say “hi”. Never called to go out and in fact, started to say no when I would ask her to meet me at the park. She would be too busy. I would ask her to go to the mall. She didn’t have any money. I would ask if she wanted to come over to my house to hang out. She didn’t have time. I even invited myself to her house. It wasn’t clean enough for me to come over on that particular day.  I cared for her very much, but after a period of time I felt sad and put upon.  I didn't want to be a rainy day friend.*Sigh*

One day I took a step back and asked what I was getting from this relationship? The answer was stress. I found myself slowly distancing myself from her.  Never really telling her why.  I just did.

Several weeks after I started distancing myself from her, I was praying to God asking for strength on a particular problem and I felt despair wash over me. Completely shocked I realized that I WAS that woman. I treated God as MY rainy day friend.  The one person in the whole world that I loved and trusted, I treated as my personal “fix it” confidant, but only during the “dark” times in my life.

I picked up the phone, called my friend, and explained to her that I was sorry that I had distanced myself from our friendship and I explained why I had started doing this. She started to cry and said that she had no idea that she was taking advantage of me the way that she had. “You have always been there for me and I guess I got used to it” she said. We are now great friends, in the good times and in the bad.

It wasn’t as easy picking up that phone and calling God. I was embarrassed. Ashamed. I was just like my friend. God has always been there for me and I knew that I had been taking Him for granted.

This all had occurred many, many years ago. How has my relationship changed with God? He is now an everyday Friend. I no longer call Him just to bail me out of a mess. Instead, when I see the leaves popping out in the spring, I thank Him. When my day is flowing and the world is right, I thank Him. I stop a dozen times during my day to talk to Him about everything and about nothing. When I say I talk to him, I mean really talk to him with real words; sometimes out loud, sometimes in prayer. The more I do this, the more I find things to be thankful for. I still go to him with my problems. My “issues” are no less than they were back then, but the interesting part is now I am learning how to resolve those issues. Now I am really listening to Him. The stronger our friendship grows, the more He points out to me the beauty in the world. Beauty that has always been there but I never took the time to notice.  The most beautiful thing of all being our friendship.

God does not want to be a rainy day friend, but an everyday friend.

The person with the idea then gets into a doubting rut, convinces themselves that “everyone” else is right and then does not follow their dreams. They S T O P what they were doing!!

Do YOU have a great idea? Do YOU think the idea is great? Don’t hesitate to answer the question….just answer. If the answer is yes, then zip the mouth, start writing a business plan, DO NOT TELL ANYONE and go for it.

“What if the plan fails”? you ask. So what. Failure is an event not a person. What you do is you figure out what didn’t work, adjust, and then continue on figuring out what does work.

I had a brick and mortar store. It was a wonderfully designed store. Repeat customers all of the time who loved my product. My “idea” failed though and I had to close the store due to finances. This is what I learned:

The Good

• The product was GREAT

• Many repeat customers who purchased the great product
  

The Bad

• The economy started to falter and utility rates started to soar (out of my control) and the part I could control (which was to have saved enough money for this type of event, I didn’t do.)
• Location Location Location (I let others tell me where to have my store instead of listening to my gut instincts)
  

I haven’t given up. This time “still with my same idea/concept” I am starting again, using what I have learned before and adjusting so that I do not have the same type of failures. I am definitely going more slowly and listening to myself more. It is working....I am making progress and most importantly, I am happy.

Have you ever thought to yourself "I can write a book" or maybe your thinking "I can invent something" - then some schmuck, convinces you otherwise; tells you that you can't. A year goes by, maybe two, you wake up one day and see YOUR idea on QVC or a book that was written by someone else that you were going to write and it is now a best seller.

Look, you need help and resources. What you don’t need is other people’s ideas and negativity surrounding you while your energy is on a high. Should you seek out professional people and get their advice on starting a business? ABSOLUTELY, But DO NOT, let them tell you what you can’t do, because you can do anything!

I was told that I couldn't/shouldn't write because my grammar sucks.   I have friends that email me or call me to point out my grammar mistakes and then THEY proceed to tell me that my grammar sucks.   I used to care, and spent years not writing (because my grammar sucks)  But you know what?  I truly don't give a damn any more because I LOVE to write, and I am finding that my writing IS helping some people.  They (the readers) tell me that they like reading what I write.  Some of them laugh, some of them pass on the link to my blog and some tell me that my grammar sucks...........don't care....I am doing something I love.  Actually making money at it, and I refuse to be that person who dies with a  would have / should have / could have regret.

It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Be not afraid of Life,Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact..... William James

What you believe is what dictates the rhythm....If you believe that you are successful and if you truly believe this, *poof* you will be successful. BUT, if you believe that you will never catch any breaks in life that you will never succeed. Guess what *poof* you are right, you won't ever be successful.

No matter how hard the road you have traveled, you can work your way onto a paved path.

Over the next couple of months I will be talking about the following topics. These are random but are some of my favorites, having lived and breathed each and everyone personally. Hopefully if you are in the midst of any of the topics below, you will learn from my mistakes or at least feel that you are not alone.

• Debt reduction (no matter how deep in debt you are, there are ways out) NEVER give up hope
  
• The mistakes I made in Starting A new business
• Keeping your sanity as a stay at home Mom!
• How to keep your faith in a today's world...

And much much more!

The Defination of Honesty

hon·es·ty (n-st)

n. pl. hon·es·ties

1. The quality or condition of being honest; integrity.

2. Truthfulness; sincerity: in all honesty.

3. Archaic Chastity.

4. Botany A European plant (Lunaria annua) cultivated for its fragrant purplish flowers and round, flat, papery, silver-white seedpods. Also called money plant, satin flower, silver dollar.

Defination taken from The Free Dictionary. com

When people think of someone being honest, they automatically believe that this relates to telling the truth. Yet, Truth is only one part of Honesty. Being honest is about being a good person; having integrity; being sincere. There is also a difference between being honest and having an opinion. One of the greatest obstacles for people is in knowing the difference. “Do you like this shirt on me?” In saying yes or no, that is an opinion.

Will you help me move on Saturday? “No, I do not like moving people”. This is being honest.

I have been told for a very long time that I am “honest”. Many times, a person coming to ask me a question would start the question with “so and so said to come to you because you would be honest with me” and then they would ask the question. Unfortunately, when I was first told this I did not sense that Honesty was a quality that people liked about me. If my answer was what they wanted to hear, I was their best friend and they would extol my honest trait. But, heaven help me, if my answer was one that was not what they were hoping then they would tell everyone they knew how hurtful and brutally honest I was with them. I have come to the realization that in those moments when someone would ask a question “looking for the honesty answer” they in fact knew the answer themselves but didn’t want to hear it.  Also, many times the questions they were asking were OPINION based.  I would remind them of that before the question would be asked.

In this politically correct age has honesty become a burden on people? In my humble opinion, I say yes. To give you just a tiny example: I am not supposed to say that I am white, I guess I am Caucasian. My husband is not black he is African American…actually he’s not, because he is from England so does that makes him an African Britain? Holy Carp, **starting to get nervous** is that not politically correct in Europe? **Sigh** my children are a beautiful mocha color, what the heck am I to call them?

“that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;” From Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, 1594:

What matters to me is what something or someone IS, not what it is called.

Peace be with you!

Kelly

Lee Andrew Henderson writes on April 26, 2007: The Bible even tells us the dishonest things we shouldn't do. Leviticus 19:11 says that an honest person does not lie. Leviticus 6:2 tells that an honest person does not cheat. Proverbs 6:16 tells us that an honest person doesn't slander. Romans 16:17-18 says an honest person is not a false teacher. Malachi 2:13-16 tells us that an honest man is not an adulterer. Proverbs 17:2 tells us that an honest man is not lazy. Finally the Bible tells us that honesty is not just an act we do at the right times. Honesty is a way of life. In both Phillippians 4:8 and Romans 12:1-2 we are told that honesty takes training and habit and a matter of will.

If you go through your whole life, without a plan, map or direction on where you are going….will you still end up in the same place that you are in today? I don't know the answer, but it was a thought provoking question that I had to share.....

I never really had a plan. Thought I did. At times was quite insistent that I did. But truly, I never did. I know people who go through their whole lives “knowing” what they are going to be when they grow up. (I dislike them) They spend their days plotting how to get to their goal and eventually accomplish it. Not me. Even today, I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. (I'm 41) I do know what I DON’T want to be. I don’t want to be a childcare provider, nanny, secretary, receptionist, and accountant. I know this because I have done all of those already. I did pretty well at each one too. Made money, but it certainly wasn’t easy and my days would dragggggggg.

Interestingly enough, do you want to know what I would do between each new project? I helped people. I would talk to them. Give out advice. Coach them in accomplishing their goals and would feel an intense deal of satisfaction in watching them reach their goals. It made me happy to do this. It seemed so easy. Many people would come soliciting my advice. Asking for my opinion...and with honesty and integrity I would answer them. Then, one day, someone said to me, “Kelly, you should become a Life Coach”. I looked at them and burst out laughing. “Your right I said, that is what I’ll be when I grow up. I can’t even coach my own life, how in the heck am I going to coach other people”.

That was a long time ago…..Do you know what I do today? I am a Life Coach. I help people de-clutter their homes and their lives. AND I get paid to do this. I’m Pretty good, I might add. I do not market my services. All of my business has been word of mouth. Who’s laughing now?

What was the biggest lesson I learned though all of this? I have learned that time and time again, when I have listened to the voice inside of me and stayed on “my” path (which was helping people), then my life flowed. From a very young age it was there. This VOICE was constantly, insistently, gently urging me on to the next minute of my day until the days slowly turned into years. The Voice, I have always known to be good, strong. It was when I did not listen to the Voice inside that I went off course, off of my path. Sometimes I was off of this path for not just a day or week, but sometimes many years. (My twenties come to mind when I say this). I have found through all of this, that no matter how many times I deterred from my path then life was more difficult and when I was heading in the direction I was meant to head in, then everything I needed would appear without a struggle. The right people, the right books to read, the right words to say. When I gave up trying to control everything around me, thinking I knew what was best, the right job was there, the paychecks came more easily and I was immensely happier internally. That is where I am today. Thankfully and with gratitude, I am right where I am supposed to be. I am at peace. AND I am helping people.  All of it happened without a map, or a plan of action.

Are you listening to your internal voice? Are you on the path that you were meant to be on? You know the one I am talking about; the path that makes YOU happy. Not what makes your mother happy or your father or your friends, or your family……but you!

If you are not, life is too short to waste another day!

Kelly