We have three children, and they all were in a dance recital yesterday. An interesting thing happened through the whole recital. As we followed along during the program, waiting for the time when our children would come on stage, Joseph would start sweating and would ask me if they knew the routine. Each time, I would smile and say “yes”, but he would be tense until after they finished.

It was a complete source of amusement for me, seeing this level of discomfort emanating from him. To know my husband, this is a rare side of him. So much so, that even after fourteen years of marriage is startling for me to see. He is known for being bigger than life, strong, a bit on the arrogant side and unflappable. Here was this 6 foot 1 guy nervous and not in control. That is when it hit me. THAT WAS IT. He was not in control of what his children were doing and it made him nervous. He wanted them to succeed and be successful and for one of the first times in his life he couldn’t help them. They had to do it all by themselves. Succeed or fail, it was on them.

I leaned over at one point and whispered to him, “You have to let go, and enjoy the dance”. He couldn’t do it. Do not get me wrong. Joseph loved watching his children dance. You could tell how proud he was of them, but it was overshadowed by his stress and fear.

The more I contemplated on his reaction I asked myself “Do we all, as parents do this? Do we stress out when our children need to do something on their own and are in a position to take responsibility for their actions? Do we then try and take over for them, thinking we know best? As parents, there does come a point in our children’s lives that we have to “let go” and watch them do their dance.   We certainly cannot dance it for them.  We may not like what they are doing, and we may think that we are able to do it better or wiser; Yet if we constantly live THEIR lives for them, than what happens to not only their lives but ours? How can you follow a path that is not your own?

We must let go because we are doing a complete injustice to our children's lives if we do not.

Letting go hurts. Letting go is scary; for both the parent and the child. Yet we must. If we do not, they will not be able to learn their life lessons and you will not be able to complete your own journey to your fullest potential.

For example, how is your child going to prioritize whether or not they should pay an electric bill or purchase a much “wanted” piece of clothing if every time, a bill arrives that they cannot pay, you give them money for it (because they opted for the clothing). If this continues you will start to resent the fact that your child is dressed better than you and they will never learn the consequences for not paying a bill.

Love your children unconditionally as people.  

Let them hurt,

let them be happy,

let them be sad,

let them be afraid

for by doing all of this, you will be letting them live!

Peace to you

Kelly