I will do it after the holidays.

I will do it when the kids get out of school.

I will do it when the homework is done.

I will do it after I finish cleaning.

I will do it when I lose some weight.

I will do it after I walk the dogs.

I will do it after the rain stops.

I will do it when it is raining.

I will do it when I have some free time.

I will do it when the kids are older.

I will do it when the kids are in school.

I will do it before we go on vacation.

I will do it when we get back from vacation.

No I am serious….

I will do it tomorrow.

We have three children, and they all were in a dance recital yesterday. An interesting thing happened through the whole recital. As we followed along during the program, waiting for the time when our children would come on stage, Joseph would start sweating and would ask me if they knew the routine. Each time, I would smile and say “yes”, but he would be tense until after they finished.

It was a complete source of amusement for me, seeing this level of discomfort emanating from him. To know my husband, this is a rare side of him. So much so, that even after fourteen years of marriage is startling for me to see. He is known for being bigger than life, strong, a bit on the arrogant side and unflappable. Here was this 6 foot 1 guy nervous and not in control. That is when it hit me. THAT WAS IT. He was not in control of what his children were doing and it made him nervous. He wanted them to succeed and be successful and for one of the first times in his life he couldn’t help them. They had to do it all by themselves. Succeed or fail, it was on them.

I leaned over at one point and whispered to him, “You have to let go, and enjoy the dance”. He couldn’t do it. Do not get me wrong. Joseph loved watching his children dance. You could tell how proud he was of them, but it was overshadowed by his stress and fear.

The more I contemplated on his reaction I asked myself “Do we all, as parents do this? Do we stress out when our children need to do something on their own and are in a position to take responsibility for their actions? Do we then try and take over for them, thinking we know best? As parents, there does come a point in our children’s lives that we have to “let go” and watch them do their dance.   We certainly cannot dance it for them.  We may not like what they are doing, and we may think that we are able to do it better or wiser; Yet if we constantly live THEIR lives for them, than what happens to not only their lives but ours? How can you follow a path that is not your own?

We must let go because we are doing a complete injustice to our children's lives if we do not.

Letting go hurts. Letting go is scary; for both the parent and the child. Yet we must. If we do not, they will not be able to learn their life lessons and you will not be able to complete your own journey to your fullest potential.

For example, how is your child going to prioritize whether or not they should pay an electric bill or purchase a much “wanted” piece of clothing if every time, a bill arrives that they cannot pay, you give them money for it (because they opted for the clothing). If this continues you will start to resent the fact that your child is dressed better than you and they will never learn the consequences for not paying a bill.

Love your children unconditionally as people.  

Let them hurt,

let them be happy,

let them be sad,

let them be afraid

for by doing all of this, you will be letting them live!

Peace to you

Kelly

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better..  'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Have you ever attended a sporting event and while there listened to parents as they spoke to their children during the event? Are there times that you cringe when you hear some of them speak? I know I do.

There are three types of parents I hear at events; the encourager, the de-motivator, and the indifferent. (I am using sports events as an example, yet we can see this with teachers, managers, clergy, friends, etc.)

The encourager yells out words such as, “that’s ok; you will get it next time.” Don’t give up, I believe in you”

The de-motivator will yell “get the ants out of your pants”. “Are you blind?” “How could you have missed that?”

The indifferent is silent. They do not really want to be there and will be doing paperwork, texting, talking on cell phone, but definitely not encouraging their child in any way. They are usually the ones, when the child asks, “did you see that”, that the parents says “Yes” to cover themselves.

The child learns from their parent’s behavior. They truly believe everything that their family says that they are. Call them stupid, and then they think that they are stupid. Tell them that they are the smartest thing that ever walked the earth, and then they believe it.

Now, think how you feel when someone gives you a positive boast of encouragement. Think of how much more you get done, then if they did not say anything.

There is a good friend in my life that will email me just to say “I am proud of you”! That’s it, five words. The impact that these five words have on me is incredible. What are these words saying?  The are saying:

I believe in you.

I love you.

I am your friend.

I enjoy seeing your success.

Five words. No more.

How much more can the De-Motivator and the Indifferent impact someone’s life just be saying “I love you”. “I am proud of you”.

I am not sure if I would have gotten as far as I have with some of the things I have done in my life without someone in the background encouraging me. Telling me it is ok if things are not perfect. Again, failure is an event, not a person.

Today, take a moment, and make one encouraging comment to someone “just because”. See how that person reacts with delight and surprise. Go ahead, I dare you!

Life is like a rainbow.  You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear  - Unknown

I had a friend once.  We used to do everything together.  The longer we were friends, the less time we spent together "just because".  Instead, whenever she needed something she would call. When times were tough, she would call. When her baby girl was sick, she would call..  When the cat ran away, she would call.  When she got laid off from work she would call. After a while, I realized that she never called anymore, just to say “hi”. Never called to go out and in fact, started to say no when I would ask her to meet me at the park. She would be too busy. I would ask her to go to the mall. She didn’t have any money. I would ask if she wanted to come over to my house to hang out. She didn’t have time. I even invited myself to her house. It wasn’t clean enough for me to come over on that particular day.  I cared for her very much, but after a period of time I felt sad and put upon.  I didn't want to be a rainy day friend.*Sigh*

One day I took a step back and asked what I was getting from this relationship? The answer was stress. I found myself slowly distancing myself from her.  Never really telling her why.  I just did.

Several weeks after I started distancing myself from her, I was praying to God asking for strength on a particular problem and I felt despair wash over me. Completely shocked I realized that I WAS that woman. I treated God as MY rainy day friend.  The one person in the whole world that I loved and trusted, I treated as my personal “fix it” confidant, but only during the “dark” times in my life.

I picked up the phone, called my friend, and explained to her that I was sorry that I had distanced myself from our friendship and I explained why I had started doing this. She started to cry and said that she had no idea that she was taking advantage of me the way that she had. “You have always been there for me and I guess I got used to it” she said. We are now great friends, in the good times and in the bad.

It wasn’t as easy picking up that phone and calling God. I was embarrassed. Ashamed. I was just like my friend. God has always been there for me and I knew that I had been taking Him for granted.

This all had occurred many, many years ago. How has my relationship changed with God? He is now an everyday Friend. I no longer call Him just to bail me out of a mess. Instead, when I see the leaves popping out in the spring, I thank Him. When my day is flowing and the world is right, I thank Him. I stop a dozen times during my day to talk to Him about everything and about nothing. When I say I talk to him, I mean really talk to him with real words; sometimes out loud, sometimes in prayer. The more I do this, the more I find things to be thankful for. I still go to him with my problems. My “issues” are no less than they were back then, but the interesting part is now I am learning how to resolve those issues. Now I am really listening to Him. The stronger our friendship grows, the more He points out to me the beauty in the world. Beauty that has always been there but I never took the time to notice.  The most beautiful thing of all being our friendship.

God does not want to be a rainy day friend, but an everyday friend.